Sitting with my want

I was up all night.
My body was tired but my mind was going a million miles an hour.
If I didn't think of it last night, I probably never will.
I had that conversation with myself. You know it, "If you don't go to sleep you're going to have to go work on something."

So I finally quit tossing and thinking and got up. But kept thinking.
I worked on getting ready for school (we may start early).
I folded clothes (which I quit doing since I have all these "helpers").
I waged war on the kitchen counters.
I thought about mopping.
I turned the washer and dryer on.
I made coffee.
I kissed my husband good morning.

I sat down with my Bible and a cup of coffee.

I started praying.
You'd think that would put you to sleep.
It may have helped.

Adoration.
Confession.
Thanksgiving.
Supplication.

I have a big, hopeful want in my heart. A recurring desire.
I want to be a homeowner rather than a renter.
And we've found one. Not one that will just do. Not one that we could make work.
But one that we'd fit in. One that with new flooring (cause the carpet is ugly, dirty, and green) and some cleaning and paint (one room is bright orange), we could live in.
It's just right. It's new-ish.
It needs a little work but that's why we think we can totally afford this one.
It's "affordable."  Which means we could get it for what some people spend to remodel a couple of rooms.

I prayed for people. Gene, my Bible Study ladies, and others.
And I sat there asking God's will about this want.

My desire is to be where the One with the perfect plans whats us. More than my want of a big thing, is my want for His will. (Transformed life!)

And I recalled the faces of those brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe who, while I was sitting with my want before God, were running for their lives. Who've lost home and livelihood and family. Some have seen their children or parents murdered for their faith. They haven't turned their head as the sword fell or the trigger was pulled. They, the keepers of the faith.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you 

and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 

Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, 

for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 5:10-12

Lord, help! Redeem these enemies or wipe them out. 

Lord, help! Give your people rest. Comfort them. Save. Protect. Heal. Lift up. 

Lord, help! 

And here I sit with my want. 

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;

    be not envious of wrongdoers!

For they will soon fade like the grass

    and wither like the green herb.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:1-4

My only enemy (that I'm currently aware of) is none other than Satan. 

He tries to make us doubt, and disagree, and come between us, and discourage us.

I'm not running. 

I'm comfortable.

Content.

Just got a want.

Gene is preaching from the Psalms this summer at the park. This week is Psalm 7. 

He's encouraged his little flock at home and a few that come to the park on a regular basis to study the Word for ourselves. To prepare. To be attentive.*(see note at the end)

So I read it again.

And I wept (some more). 

And Psalm 7 became a prayer.

O Lord my God, be their refuge;

    save them from all their pursuers and deliver them,

lest like a lion they tear those souls apart,

    rending them in pieces, with none to deliver.

O Lord my God, if I have done this,

    if there is wrong in my hands,

if I have repaid my friend with evil

    or plundered my enemy without cause,

let the enemy pursue my soul and overtake it,

    and let him trample my life to the ground

    and lay my glory in the dust. Selah

(but just forgive me Lord, I don't want to be overtaken and trampled).

Arise, O Lord, in your anger;

    lift yourself up against the fury of my enemy and the enemies of your people in foreign lands;

    awake for us; you have appointed a judgment.

Let the assembly of the peoples be gathered about you;

    over it return on high. (come Lord Jesus).

The Lord judges the peoples;

    judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness

(my imputed righteousness - 

I praise you that you see me through those rose-colored glasses). 

    and according to the integrity that is in me.

Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end,

    and may you establish the righteous—

you who test the minds and hearts,

    O righteous God!

My shield is with God,

    who saves the upright in heart.

God is a righteous judge,

    and a God who feels indignation every day.

If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword;

    he has bent and readied his bow;

He has prepared for him his deadly weapons,

    making his arrows fiery shafts.

Behold, the wicked man conceives evil

    and is pregnant with mischief

    and gives birth to lies.

He makes a pit, digging it out,

    and falls into the hole that he has made.

His mischief returns upon his own head,

    and on his own skull his violence descends.

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness,

    and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.

I'm reminded, He has overcome the world. The victory is already won.
While I pray for time-management, rest, strength for each day, and thank Him for my comfort, even in my wanting, here I sit.
Coffee, Bible, comfort.

Lord, help! Satisfy the with You. Be their All. Be their comfort.
Be a shield before and behind them.
Lord, help! Show themm daily evidence of your everlasting, steadfast love.

Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!

    Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,

from men by your hand, O Lord,

    from men of the world whose portion is in this life.

You fill their womb with treasure;

they are satisfied with children,

    and they leave their abundance to their infants.

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;

    when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

Psalm 17:13-15

*note: WooWee! that good lookin' feller sure can preach! 

     Look what God can do with the shy one! 

     - you can see/hear him here - don't forget to subscribe.