Life in a Crockpot: February 2014

Friday, February 14, 2014

Yelling

"Train up a child in the way he should go;

even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6

After the last post a dear, honest, mother, love of mine asked, "How did you stop being a yeller? I find myself yelling way too much and I don't like it one bit."

I don't like it one bit either. And sometimes I'm still that yelling, crazy Mama.
And I'm sure I will yell at some smart-alecky or disobedient child in the writing of this post, that's just how this seems to work. I'm preaching to the choir!

How did I quit being a yeller?

I read a book* about training children.

Light dawned! (like a slap upside the head)

As much as their disobedience is a heart issue, so is my yelling.
The way I'm training them to listen and obey says a lot about my heart.

Why hadn't someone explained this stuff to me . . . like . . . when I was a child!
Long years before I started thinking about actually having children of my own.
Somehow, after YEARS of seeming MAD, I decided one day that what I'm doing isn't really working.

So I had to put it into practice.

First time obedience is a requirement. If I have to tell someone to do something (or not to) more than once they have already disobeyed and punishment is in order (in some fashion). But yelling at them didn't really do much good - especially when I seem to be out of control - and the yelling was frequent.
I do take into account that they really may not have heard me, or may have a valid REASON (not excuse) that they haven't gotten to it yet but are on the way.

I can discipline without yelling (I'm a work in progress - but I've come a LONG way!).
I was firm this morning and lectured about "destruction of property" (i.e. "where have all the crayons, markers, colored pencils and the spiffy containers they were supposed to be in gone and why do ya'll put paper everywhere") and I did not yell. I was tempted (I found two markers, three crayons and a box lid when it was time to do history and we needed colors for our maps - I didn't feel real happy). But I did not yell.
I'm being trained and disciplined to do something different and better.

I carried a switch everywhere and used it, rather than yell (I still do, these little people are also still being trained). You may often find us riding down the road with a switch, belt, spoon, flyswatter next to my seat. The children like to use switches for sword fighting so there are usually several handy.
We are firm believers that spanking** works.

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol." Proverbs 23:13-14

I think knowing that a spanking is near at hand if they act out is often enough to keep them in line.
We use other forms of punishment. Take away privileges, miss out on watching a movie, extra chores, extra copy work, writing about what they did and why is was wrong and what should have happened. If their disobedience caused harm to someone (emotionally or physically) they may have to write out and apology. Some children can't stand being sent to their room or put in time out or otherwise separated from the fun, it's terrible punishment for them. Others hope they get sent away by themselves. Likewise, some children's dread of a spanking is worse than actually getting one, and some children would rather have a spanking than act right.
That's why God gave you the kids you got. So you would get to know them and what works best for them.

I realized my inconsistencies. Like counting, "I said, xyz! I'm going to count to three. Do you hear me!?! One . . . Two . . . Two and a half . . . "
I used to think I was being a noble, consistent parent by starting at "two" because "one" was the first time I told you. But really I was just giving the child more chances to disobey before I disciplined them. I was training them to disobey.
So that just had to stop.

How's that working?

As I have confessed already, sometimes I still yell. It is getting easier. The last time I yelled . . . no, the time before that . .. they needed yelling at. The last time I yelled, I had to apologize.
They were being difficult, they were pulling out all the stops to get me to yell. I'm sure it was an organized event on their part (if only). I still should not have yelled.
Mommies learn too. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

You'd think that we'd have had a harder time changing discipline methods with the older ones, not so. It was explained that I was trying to change my ways and what all that entailed (swifter judgement). I had to be VERY consistent, as if I was starting over. But we had been disciplining all along, we just began to do it better. It's more "respectable." So, very soon, the older children realized that this was actually a lot easier (and quieter) and they had a happier mama.

THEY HAVE A HAPPIER MAMA!

That's right. I'm more content and happy (and fatter, perhaps yelling burns calories).
Therefore, happier children, happier home.
(The Daddy is happier too, but mostly because Mama is happier).

I'm not an expert (although in about 15 more years I think I'll claim to be - reading this post will then cost you $300). I'm not always consistent. I'm lazy. I remind myself often, as often as I remind the children, "Do what's right!" And the effort I put in now WILL pay off when they are grown.***

"So, whether you eat or drink,

or whatever you do,

do all to the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

That's it! Are you a yeller? Or a reformed yeller? What good tips can you share?

P.S.
Standing on the back porch and yelling names across the back-forty because it is time to change activities doesn't count. Shout all ya want!
(It is also an excellent way to test baby names).

* I've been reading books about raising and training children since the first one was in the womb. With the exception of two - NONE of them could have prepared me for REAL parenthood.

Of the two exceptions, I don't fully agree with either author on every little detail. I do believe they give sound, Biblical advice, great ideas from years of practice, wisdom and loving kindness. I believe each child in each family is going to be a unique individual. For my "hard kids" (or for children who have experienced trauma) some things have to be tweaked. You really can NOT love them all the same.
Book #1 (which was a wise baby gift from a wise aunt) is Dr. Denmark Said It! by Madia Bowman. This book has not much to do with this post but I HIGHLY recommend it for new parents. I love Dr. Denmark, though I've never meet her. She died in 2012 at 114 years young. Her wisdom and love for children and their mothers lives on. What a legacy!
Book #2 The one that made me see the error of my ways with my children is To Train Up a Child by Michael & Debi Pearl. You'll find a mixture of reviews about this book online and some of them are really bad. Mr. Pearl stands by his book. I have read it (the first edition). I keep it on the shelf with all the other child rearing books. If you are having trouble, get this book.

Prodigal Son - Rembrandt

**spanking - Though often referred to has "a beatin'," spanking for discipline's sake, with a clear reason and because you love the child and care how they arrive at adulthood, is different than actually beating a child which comes from anger, cruelty and lack of self-control. We understand the temptation to Beat them, we live with little sinners.

*** When they are "grown" they may question everything we've tried to teach them. They may for a while fall away and/or make life altering mistakes. They are, like their parents, frail humans. BUT they will have a solid foundation. They will have been deeply rooted in truth. And they will remember and not depart. We can't promise their "happily-ever-after" but we can improve the odds for generations to come.

Even so, come Lord Jesus!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why not?

Disclaimer #1: You can skip the disclaimers.
Disclaimer #2: There are no cute pictures with this post. Just a lot of opinionated smart-alecky-ness.
Disclaimer #3: Some people begin these sorts of discussions with something to this effect: "homeschooling is not for everyone, these are our opinions, you do what works best for your family." I'll buy into that . . . sort of. I believe the best place for children to learn is in a loving home. Mother, fathers, grandparents, aunt and uncles have the most interest in a child's development. There are some great teachers out there in "real school" land. They are fabulous! But I'd rather not trust strangers for the moral and spiritual development of my child.
"A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher." Luke 6:40

(Oh! We've seen that verse in action! Scary!)

Disclaimer #4: This post is not intended to "defend" our position. Just thinking "out loud." If you learn something, GREAT! Become convicted, FANTASTIC! Totally disagree, that's totally your problem. Go read something more agreeable to you.
Disclaimer #5: I wrote these disclaimers during & after I wrote the entire rest of the pictureless post (I'm going to look for a picture now). You may begin now. Update: There's a cartoon at the bottom.

The Meat of it:
Why not homeschool?

We were finally getting back into a grove this week. We even did some history (history and science become very neglected when "life happens" or when the teacher gets lazy or otherwise distracted as she has been lately).

This weeks lessons was on King Richard and Prince John and Robin Hood! What fun stories! (I'm glad NOT to be any of those people).
So, the children are watching Robin Hood (the Disney cartoon) (for the 2nd or 3rd time this week).

And I've been surfing/shopping/poking around online.

I had an offer for a free vocabulary workbook for ages 10+. And in the process of going to get it I found somebody who just looks for free homeschooling stuff and clicked to follow her on Pinterest. She has SO much there it is overwhelming! I don't even know where to begin.

Which lead me to complain to myself about stupid things people say.

Yeap. Here's comes the complaint. If you don't care than you can quit reading now. But since it's my blog and I get to put my thoughts out there, I'ma gonna.
I'll try to keep it to two points (maybe).

1) "I couldn't homeschool, my children don't listen to me." (or "my children are wild" or some other such nonsense which puts the blame and excuse on the child - pitiful!)

A) I often feel like a broken record.

B) I no longer repeat myself (unless of course I know they didn't/couldn't hear me).
Mama speaks once. LISTEN! (I also no longer yell, I was a yell-er. If Mama is mad
enough that she is yelling ya'll have really messed up big time or gone deaf).
Sometimes I don't listen to them either.

C) This is a heart issue. Yours and the child's.

D) If your child is small, work on it. They can be trained/taught/encouraged to do what
is right. Including but not limited to LISTEN! and OBEY!

E) If your child is a little bigger, your gonna have to work a little harder. You train them
how you want them to turn out (ouch! That hurts me!)

F) If your child is nearly grown - What have you been doing? You may just want to start
over with a new kid. If you wait till they are nearly grown to begin to discipline - well
you've waited a LOT of years to long. While it can be done - you will have a LOT of
humbling and apologizing and hard praying and searching the scriptures to do.
Ya'll are really in for it. I'll pray for you.

G) If they won't listen to you and obey in the home, why in the whole world do you
expect them to listen and obey anybody else?!!? And you expect them to be "good" at
school?
Do you ever have a logical thought?

"She said, 'Bring them up

the way that you want them.

Thank God when their grown,

they'll never depart."

~ Hymn: I Have Returned

by Marijohn Wilkin ~

from Proverbs 22:6

2) "It just cost too much." (or "I can't afford it" or some other such nonsense)

A) Bologna.

B) I just found, just this morning, so much FREE stuff I'm overwhelmed.

C) I can give you list of website for free or cheap (or just so helpful) stuff. Just ask!

D) When we did do "real school" we were constantly being asked for money for all sorts of
things. We spent WAY more in those few years than we have since.

E) We use a portion of our tax return for homeschool books and what-nots. (Having 8
little deductions = a nice, helpful tax return). We spend, on average $800 dollars per
year on basic curriculum/books. That's for ALL 8 ~~little deductions~~ children. Currently
we are planning PreK4 through 10th grade. And the curriculum adviser (that's me)
get's pretty much what she wants within reason. (I try hard to be frugal but I LOVE
books!)
This year may be higher because we want/need/would find really helpful some lab
stuff for high school science. We do normally buy new stuff for Ava (the practice
child) because it will be used 7 more times after her.
Update: IF I got everything I am currently looking at on my LONG list of needs and wants (changing Language Arts
curriculum for 4 or 5 children, getting stuff for Biology and Chemistry, and a few books to help the teacher teach) I'm
at $1194 plus shipping and tax. That's a little over my limit, I've already taken several things off, and that's for ALL 8
children ALL school year. (Not including paper, pencils, folders, crayons etc - we get those during tax free weekends).

F) MANY people who use this excuse are spending money to have their child involved in
sports, or martial arts, or dance, or gymnastics, or . . . . I think that their priorities are a
little . . . um . . . screwy.
These things are FUN!!! And learning a skill, exercising, being able to work on a team
are great things. Many homeschoolers enjoy these very same things. They aren't
inherently bad - but they might just not be good.
What is more important, your kids education or being able to flip over? (We've learned
to flip at home.)
We tried organized, rec league, sports ONE TIME. That was enough. We found
ourselves gone. We enjoy being home. We can't possibly train them up ourselves if they
are always under the leadership of some other coach or teacher. We just don't get
family devotions done on days when we are gone all evening. The children DO enjoy
our family times of Bible reading, singing, and prayer.
When we miss doing it, we miss it.
We do sometimes consider putting one or two in some class or sport, they'd enjoy it.
But we just can't afford it. (Hahahaha!)

G) We have one income. And not a large one. At. All. S-M-A-L-L.
I did a little research and we fall in the "average income" range for our area. The
difference is, this information was per person. I'm sure some of these "per persons"
are also supporting a family. But not very many are supporting a family of ten.
Our budget never works out on paper. And yet, we still live indoors.
Admittedly, we sometimes receive unsolicited, unexpected gifts. We have people who
love us. And that is a huge help, and always in the nick of time. That's God's grace in
action. And we are thankful.

H) That is just a really bad excuse, especially to give to me.
And MANY other homeschooling parents. Just bad.

3) "I couldn't do it." or "I'm glad it's you and not me." (I said I'd TRY to keep it at two points).

A) With that attitude you probably couldn't.

B) Me too. I'm glad it's me and not you.
I'm a little fond of these loud people (the TV is now off, the volume level just
increased exponentially).

C) Thank you for owning the excuse.

4) I think what I should hear from people is, "That's great for you, but I just don't want to."

A) Schooling at home (raising children in general) takes time and commitment. What level
of time and commitment are you willing to put in?

B) Statement #1 and #2 above take the blame for not wanting to and place it somewhere
else, the child or the finances.

C) We want to. We feel we must. We believe it is our Biblical duty. We believe it is our
just service to these little people we've brought into the world and dedicated ourselves
to raise to the best of our ability. We are committed to this course.
Others aren't. We mourn for them, they are missing out on a HUGE blessing.

D)There is a difference between a reason and an excuse.
I can think of very few GOOD reasons to send a kid away to school. I'd like to hear some.
My few reasons are linked to faults or failings on the part of the parents.
Sound harsh? I've been that faulting parent. But I came around and pulled them back
out, my regret is that I left them in too long.

You will be held accountable for all you do or fail to do. Do your best.
We're trying.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed,

do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him."

~ Colossians 3:17 ~

Here's your cute picture!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Sweet Thangs

This was seen yesterday morning:

Baby brother likes to get in bed with big brother

Sunday we made Valentines to give out at Bible Study on Wednesday. They will just have to be stored until next week since everything is canceled because of more snow!

Pinterest actually came in handy! You can see where all these ideas sprang from by going to my Valentines Pinterest board. Word of caution: Pinterest is a place of major time wastage. If you aren't on there already just google Valentine Ideas and be done. Lots of people blog all about everything. Some of them actually have a few good idea, others of us just tell stuff and put up some cute pictures. And sometimes say "hey!!!" to our few faithful followers. (Hey Mama, and Grandma and Aunt Juanita and my Rendla loves! Love ya'll! If you read this leave me a little comment at the end. I only get one - from my mama - every once in a blue moon so you know I read them all - I may comment back -Then you'll feel all fancy!).

So, thanks to a supply of card stock (Thanks Debra!) and our awesome printer, here are our successful and adorable valentine crafts.

Ava and Jacob made Valentine cards that ROCK!

We used part of our collection of Lake Michigan Rocks (because I haven't seen the Louisiana rocks or Ohio rocks in a while) and some cool paint pens.

Jacob's

Ava's

Autumn kept it simple.

John 3:16 and some Smarties.

Autumn's

Lora's is cool!

You are a Super Star! We wanted star shaped sunglasses but Walmart didn't have those.

It still works.

Lora's

Jorja gave bear hugs.

Teddy grahams (3 flavors) and gummy bears (the good ones).

Jorja's

Elijah's was worthy of writing about.

He thought he was getting something super easy, he complained about all the cutting out.

Elijah's

Josiah pick the most costly valentine.

The boy has good taste - and he may have been greatly encouraged to pick this one - Thankfully the cars were the last big box on sale.

We made the little bags from gallon size freezer bags and our food saver thing.

Josiah's

Alex had the most involved craft. And it may be a favorite. TOO CUTE!!!

Amazing what you can do with Hershey's Kisses!

Alex's "Mice to know you!"

And I made some too (well, technically I helped with the majority of those above but also made something easy for my little class).

The Mama's

I hope the candy makes it to next week!

That's about it!

Oh! except we are trying to sale Grandma's camper (Gene's mom). More details on Craigslist. She is living in AK with her mother and needs new clothes and shoes more than she needs a camper right now. I'm in the process of cleaning it up and hope to have it moved to the front yard soon. (Did you know that, Grandma? You now have stuff in the attic - really moving up in the world!)

Grandma's

If it ONLY snows tomorrow, instead of just making a cold mess like I expect, we'll have some more cute snow bunny pictures. Funny how excited I am not!

One more thing! Gene sent me flowers today. Only we never heard the Fed-ex fella come up, and he left them at the front door. Why would anybody use our front door! Especially in the snow. Fed-ex has been here before and always comes on around back. Weird!

Had Gene not been expecting them and had them tracked they may have sat out there till spring! He is such a sweetie!

And Happy Birthday to Marie-Anne and Adam! WOW! Ya'll are getting old! How'd that happen so fast?

And Happy Valentines Day to the rest of ya!

Love ya!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Feeling Fruity

Early yesterday morning, just after I got up and began to get ready for our busy day, I began to think about my children. And not just think about them but REALLY think about them. What makes them tick? Why do they do certain things? Will they stay asleep until I can get out of the shower? How's their obedience? How's their relationship with God? Are they growing and maturing spiritually as well as physically? How are they like me? Why?

Grandmother, The Mama, Jorja

During my shower Jorja was "dissected" in the most detail. If you ask which child is the most dramatic or the most whiny, without doubt or hesitation we'd all say Jorja. She'd probably agree. What makes her this way?
I remembered a time, I was a little younger than she is now, I stayed with a family and I was the "cry baby." Of course, this title just made me cry.
Jorja is a touchy-feely gal. She is often reminded to keep her hands to herself. She's loving (and a little rough).
I love hugs (most of the time), I pat people when I'm talking to them, I love to touch my littles' faces and hands.
Jorja's LOVE of touch can also be a source of irritation (even to this touchy mama).
Jorja has opinions about how she thinks things should be.
O Lord, help this little apple! She's beginning to drop right beside the trunk.

The hurry set in to get somewhere on time and so these thoughts about the children were set aside.

During Bible study, the part where we go around and discuss our answers to questions, for some reason it got quiet when we got to this question: What would Apollos have learned from the teaching of John the Baptist? (that's not a direct quote but close enough).
I looked at my answer. I waited. Then in a deep, loud voice - while my hand raised dramatically, I proclaimed, "Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at Hand!" (that was NOT what I had written down).
The children's teacher sitting next to me burst into laughter. "You sound just like Alex!"

If you ask us which child has the wildest sense of humor, or the best acting skills, or the desire to entertain, without doubt or hesitation we'd all say Alex. He'd tell a joke.
I recently had to write about myself (history, testimony, thoughts) and this was part of the reply I received, "we enjoyed your thoroughness (and your sense of humor)."
Alex laughs at his own jokes. I find me funny. We love when people laugh.
I also love jumping around corners or through doors and scaring people (especially Gene - but never old folks or pregnant ladies - that's just NOT funny - they could fall or kill over or pee).
Alex and Elijah try often to scare me. But they are no match for my Mama-bat-ears and calm demeanor (okay, mostly I'm calm - when I'm not they know that trying to be funny may not be the best idea).
When we do our Easter play, Alex is a natural actor. He really plays the part.
Lord, this little apple may go way out on a limb! He's beginning to drop, in a nice shady spot.

Ava is independent and responsible. Gene recently called me his "independent-dependent wife" (I do my own thing but still rely heavily on him). I have eight children and haven't killed any of them yet. That's got to be a sign of some responsibility.

Autumn, would quickly be described as the sullen, quiet one, moody. Needy of attention and care and yet not sure how to get it. I'm not great at making new friends. I am needy. I can be alone, happily for hours. (I would actually love to be alone for hours). My moods have been know to change with the wind.

Elijah, worrisome. He loves to cook. He doesn't like to clean up after cooking. He would be fine and dandy just doing the basics to survive. He fiercely loves. (I'm just going to raise my hand and declare, "Me too!)

Lora is the sweet one. Precious in so many ways. BUT . . . please don't cross her. She will really let you have it and we will all know about it. (I think she may be sweeter than me but has differently studied my deceptive smile when someone is "unpleasant" and I HAVE to deal with them). This is also the child who committed with me last year to make our beds everyday. It's supposed to make you happier. We've been doing pretty well.

Jacob is my sweet boy and Josiah is the baby boy - I'm not sure I'm "removed" enough from their baby-ness to honestly access them. Their sweetness and meanness, their talents and strengths are just beginning to shine. Jacob has been a Mama's boy but is beginning to turn more toward his daddy. He is struggling to get a hold on letters and writing his name right now. He plays hard and rest hard. Josiah has been daddy's boy, but still takes the time to love on his mama. At three, he draws wonderful pictures and has begun to copy his name (or any word) legibly (we continue to be amazed). I can NOT claim his genius.

All this ramble to say, apples certainly do not fall far from the tree. And it can be embarrassing.

Something to see

Got a little time on your hands?
Wanna see something that isn't a total waste of time?

Here are some we've seen lately that you may enjoy, or learn from, or decide that we are total geeks.

1) Evolution vs. God
Only 38 minutes long. Ray Comfort does a great job of presenting the gospel.

2) Bill Nye vs. Ken Ham Debate
We watched this via live streaming at a local church (we thought it would be fun to share the experience).
It is 2 hours and 45 1/2 minutes - but you can skip the first 13 minutes and 13.62 seconds because it's just a count down - because of the live streaming stuff. But would make it great to use in a church.

Since Gene is currently taking a Theology class and learning some interesting (yet humorous) stuff about what people believe we will NOT call ourselves Creationist (even though we DO believe in a literal 6 day creation of the entire universe by God) We may actually be something that starts with a T that I can't pronounce (who also believe in the literal 6 day creation) but disagree on the heredity of inherent sin - and that's where it gets humorous.
Be warned! Only ask our up and coming "theologian" about seminal-issism(?) if your ready to listen to big words and only giggle a little.

Stay tuned! I'm working on post about an honest look at fruit.