MawMaw and Fringe

I wrote this post back in August (or maybe September). But I wasn't ready to post it.
However, today I feel like I'm leaving you out of the joy of knowing a child of God.
So, here it is - the pieces of my heart scattered around the country.
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One of the greatest things about our fringe benefits is all the extra in-loves you get.
One of the greatest drawbacks to our fringe benefits is all the extra in-loves you get.

Have you missed other post about "fringe benefits"?
Fringe Benefits = those things about life now that are made possible (or impossible) because of the "love" from former spouses. Not baggage. Not regrets. Those oddities in life that some people just don't get to enjoy. Those things only crockpot families have to think about or deal with.

For example: We recently received a notice in the mail from our health insurance that it was denying a claim. But that was okay because it wasn't for anybody on our plan (not any of the 10 of us). But it was somebody we know. I called the insurance company and also the hospital (who chuckled when told the name because they know this hypochondriac very well). Unexpected? Yes. Surprised? No.

A better example, and a little more recent (and a little longer), is all the extra grandparents you and your children acquire. And how, when something happens, it affects you.

I meet Mrs. Mary Marie Chandler 15 years ago, when a young man took me home to meet his family. Honesty, kindness, compassion, strength, faithfulness, and enduring love (a little stubberness) are a few words that would describe this lady. We didn't see eye-to-eye on everything all the time. Hind-site being what it is, she was right most of the time. I wish I had gotten to sit in her living room eating candy and talking to her way more then I did. I wish the short people had known her better. I wish I had saved a few more cards she sent over the years.

The last several times I sat with her she was being lovingly cared for by Mom, her baby daughter. She didn't get around very well anymore. She was becoming more and more fragile. She commented several times, "I just don't know why God still has me here." I always told her it was because sometimes we just need to know she is still praying for us. We just need to sit in a chair near her and listen, or relate the latest news from our lives. We delight in her delight of our children.

After 92 1/2 years she finished her journey down here very early last Friday morning. We knew she wasn't going to stay with us much longer but I think we all thought we had just a few more days. I certainly didn't expect that call so soon. I praise God that He took her. That she is without pain. That because of her testimony I know she will be in the crowd that greets me some glad morning and leads me to the feet of Jesus.

Everyone who wasn't already there hurried to get there. I longed to be there to lay her body to rest. I longed to be able to put my arms around Mom. I  longed to see all the family. This family I still love and consider my own.



MawMaw

The fact is, I haven't been a Pinckley now for nearly as long as I was one. I don't get to see them very often.  "Going home" use to mean that little house near the Kudzu. There's not room for me at Mom's house anymore.
I know I'm not forgotten, but I feel replaced. I don't feel missed.
I didn't make it to the hurried funeral. I didn't get to take pictures of all the kids. My children aren't in any of the pictures that were made. Again.
And MY MawMaw, that fine lady that loved me, has left the planet.
I hurt.

Now, I'm not whining . . . much. Paul and the current (and we hope last) girlfriend, graciously offered to board the children and I. Gene said no. I just have never considered it. I'm still not comfortable with it. (There will be much prayer and thought and pillow talk).
And then there wasn't extra money for gas anyway.

My heart is on my sleeve. My emotions are at an all time high. I've had to revisit and reevaluate old wounds and step back and TRY to sort out current circumstances.

I've discovered, sadly, that while my home has 8 children, only some count. Who or how many that  "some" is varies depending on who your talking to. But I'm not told this, I find it out. The fact hits me in the face. The children are only mildly aware of it.
I testify to people all the time that "on paper we don't work"  or "They (who ever they are) say that our crockpot will never be full of deliciousness."
We KNOW that with God all things are possible and we ARE living proof of it.
We also know that other people hold the sins of the fathers (and mothers) against (these) children. We can love them all. Why can't they?
They are all OURS.
The only "steps" at this house are the ones to get in the door.
I've given birth to 6 and God blessed me with 2 more. (And they were potty trained - a bonus!)
If we love them differently, its because they are all so different, not because of whose name is on a birth certificate.

I know that there are some in this vast family that don't draw a line in the blood. They naturally include each child at family events. They don't give it a second thought. Families are built with love, not hospital ink.
I also know, and in my naivety its taken me a long time to realize it, some people would rather we not show up with the "other ones."
The funny thing is, there's a mixed group in each fringe. The two opposing views often live in the same house or see each other very regularly.
I don't understand it. I don't won't to. But I guess I should learn to live with it. I guess I should pray for a way to guard up all 8 to understand that they are loved, just not by everybody.
Wish I had learned that lesson a little better. I still get my feelings hurt.

 . . . And Mawmaw frowns, then smiles, and chuckles (I can hear her laugh), and pats my hand. "You know, so-and-so . . ." she begins some story. Tells me not to worry. And somehow that helps make it all better. I love you MawMaw. Hug my all my other ones up waiting (just as soon as you quit running).


Some people I miss. (plus a few cute kids)